"The characters in this satire are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This is especially so if you are sensitive to matters of religion and faith.”
A. Srinivas Rao
Jai, Babajiki. He is not just India's answer to Superman he is the avatar purush who is going to bring back the sone ki chidiya which has left the shores of our subcontinent because of climate change (global warming you know….of course some say it is lying in some Swiss locker deep inside the Matterhorn or Mt Titlis where the Gandhi family had secured it for posterity but that’s a conspiracy theory- you don’t credit that family with such foresight). After all this Babaji maybe an avatar of Rishi Patanjali, (who according to some was the avatar of some primeval serpent the Sheshanag) who will destroy the demon of corruption a Brashtasura who has kept India behind in all development indices and usher in the Treta Yug (golden age of Ram).
I am a poor man and the prospect that one day my one rupee will be $50 is such an exciting prospect, I even fought with my Auto rickshaw driver today to get back one rupee. I keep seeing 5 ten dollar greenbacks instead of one miserable rupee. Imagine how many triple cheese burgers with Diet Coke I can have with that. Imagine what will happen if he brings back Rs 40 lakh crores. Doesn’t matter that our GDP is that much; after all even after they removed the GDP to the Swiss banks this is the Akshaya patra land where it miraculously gets replenished (which is why this whole corruption was being done silly!). As someone pointed out I won’t have to pay taxes (tumhare muh mein motichur ke ladoo). I wish he would do this much faster and earlier, somehow before I have to file my IT returns which is just a month away. After all he is doing this all in service of our great Bharat Mata (RSS please note that he doesn’t say Akhand or otherwise, lest we inherit the LeT and JuD and HuJI and ISI in the process). Babaji must tell the guys who are all western educated angrezi speaking babus that this is according to our constitution a socialist republic not capitalistic, nor ballistic. Imagine we shall all become socialistic and all have our private jets and we shall be the magnificent men (no women allowed) in our pushpak vimaans. We must summon our chief ministers and babus and teach them to strategize and implementaize the deep blue ocean. Such ignorance and arrogance after 60 plus years by our chief ministers about poverty is unpardonable. We must have all our politicians to sit at Babajis feet (even the Maoists and hopefully the ISI) and learn all the ved puran and only then talk of governance. We should have them do Shirshasan daily in front of Babaji to clear up their addle headed brains and those who don’t comply will have to do Shavasan for a long long time.
We should not forget the MBAs. The combination of ignorance and arrogance that our ministers display is not unique; they have the MBAs as serious competition. Why don’t they see all this pakhand about entrepreneurship? If Babaji can make Rs 11,000 crores in asset base by one estimate in 6-7 years what do these dudes do with their careers? Show me another person on this planet with such enterprise (not Social media like Facebook). These guys won’t get a private jet in 11 births even after studying at Harvard (of course if you had fasted at Ramlila grounds then Ramjis lila would have given you so much punya that 5 births are sufficient). They must re-invent their curriculum with a bigger dose of spiritual quotient. All business school teaching must be in Sanskrit the devabhasha (no Mandarin as some silly guys call curriculum innovation). Everybody shall do a term of Pavanmuktasan for all the gas that these guys seem to generate, 2 hours and 27 minutes of Kapalabhati everyday with Babaji and eat the Shoonyachuran (even available mercury free for those silly environmentalists- and bhrashtadhwaj for all children so that they will never be corrupt again) followed by the bellowing Bhastriki to drive away all evil. Such an MBA curriculum would inspire people to be on the path of Dharma and have shraddha towards the old and senile. We must send away all Allopathic medicines and close down the Pharma industry and now source all jadi booti from Haridwar which is the medical tourism hub. Babaji claims that he knows the virus that causes homosexuality and that he has the cure for it; probably he might also have secret cures for all intractable diseases; he might be the incarnation of Dhanvantri and Patanjali as a double dose. All surgeons will be called Sushrutas and doctors as Charaks hence forth, (who knows he might call the finance and accounts guys as Chitragupts).
Kapil must be banished from this land so must be the firangi Soniaji. Of course no right minded guy would agree that a midnight lathicharge is justified. Even Indiraji did not do such a terrible thing; she did it in broad daylight. I am told that some slim woman gave away her white salwar kameez and a large dupatta to that Babaji could become bilkul adrishya after the lathi charge only to be caught boarding the train surrounded by a gaggle of women. Aadarneeya Mayawatiji drove him away faster than even Kapil did. Look how the Sangh has smelt saffron blood. Maybe there must be one grand combine with Sadhvi Rithambara as the chief spokesperson ably assisted by Sadhvi Pragya Thakur and Shabnam Maasi. Babaji of course is supreme and above all laws after all he could curse you to eternally be a spokesperson of the Congress party like Digvijaya. Maybe Anna is not above law (probably Manmohan and KG Balakrishnan is). Anna is being presumptuous about civil society-only the shrill sirens of Medha, Arundhati, Kiran, Mallika with poor Kejri, Shanti & Sons, Santosh are civil. He used to tie to a pole and flog the drunks in Ralegan Siddhi supposedly and the evil spirits would miraculously leave to head for the Alcoholics Anonymous. I am told he also supports forced vasectomies and Narendra. I know I am not civil society. I merely vote and am an ignoramus who must be saved. I don’t understand these extra –constitutional measures; I haven’t even read the first one forget all the extras. They make me think I am the un-civil society, the great unwashed. I am so grateful that they are saving me from this malaise of corruption. I used to go to St Michaels to the novena to offer candles, now I can light candles every night with all these angrezi speaking ladies and gents who say “Let there be Light” (only one old man said that earlier, a few days after making the sun and the moon). I must now pray that that old man will abide by the promise Jako rakhe saiyan maar sake na koi.
A. Srinivas Rao
Jai, Babajiki. He is not just India's answer to Superman he is the avatar purush who is going to bring back the sone ki chidiya which has left the shores of our subcontinent because of climate change (global warming you know….of course some say it is lying in some Swiss locker deep inside the Matterhorn or Mt Titlis where the Gandhi family had secured it for posterity but that’s a conspiracy theory- you don’t credit that family with such foresight). After all this Babaji maybe an avatar of Rishi Patanjali, (who according to some was the avatar of some primeval serpent the Sheshanag) who will destroy the demon of corruption a Brashtasura who has kept India behind in all development indices and usher in the Treta Yug (golden age of Ram).
I am a poor man and the prospect that one day my one rupee will be $50 is such an exciting prospect, I even fought with my Auto rickshaw driver today to get back one rupee. I keep seeing 5 ten dollar greenbacks instead of one miserable rupee. Imagine how many triple cheese burgers with Diet Coke I can have with that. Imagine what will happen if he brings back Rs 40 lakh crores. Doesn’t matter that our GDP is that much; after all even after they removed the GDP to the Swiss banks this is the Akshaya patra land where it miraculously gets replenished (which is why this whole corruption was being done silly!). As someone pointed out I won’t have to pay taxes (tumhare muh mein motichur ke ladoo). I wish he would do this much faster and earlier, somehow before I have to file my IT returns which is just a month away. After all he is doing this all in service of our great Bharat Mata (RSS please note that he doesn’t say Akhand or otherwise, lest we inherit the LeT and JuD and HuJI and ISI in the process). Babaji must tell the guys who are all western educated angrezi speaking babus that this is according to our constitution a socialist republic not capitalistic, nor ballistic. Imagine we shall all become socialistic and all have our private jets and we shall be the magnificent men (no women allowed) in our pushpak vimaans. We must summon our chief ministers and babus and teach them to strategize and implementaize the deep blue ocean. Such ignorance and arrogance after 60 plus years by our chief ministers about poverty is unpardonable. We must have all our politicians to sit at Babajis feet (even the Maoists and hopefully the ISI) and learn all the ved puran and only then talk of governance. We should have them do Shirshasan daily in front of Babaji to clear up their addle headed brains and those who don’t comply will have to do Shavasan for a long long time.
We should not forget the MBAs. The combination of ignorance and arrogance that our ministers display is not unique; they have the MBAs as serious competition. Why don’t they see all this pakhand about entrepreneurship? If Babaji can make Rs 11,000 crores in asset base by one estimate in 6-7 years what do these dudes do with their careers? Show me another person on this planet with such enterprise (not Social media like Facebook). These guys won’t get a private jet in 11 births even after studying at Harvard (of course if you had fasted at Ramlila grounds then Ramjis lila would have given you so much punya that 5 births are sufficient). They must re-invent their curriculum with a bigger dose of spiritual quotient. All business school teaching must be in Sanskrit the devabhasha (no Mandarin as some silly guys call curriculum innovation). Everybody shall do a term of Pavanmuktasan for all the gas that these guys seem to generate, 2 hours and 27 minutes of Kapalabhati everyday with Babaji and eat the Shoonyachuran (even available mercury free for those silly environmentalists- and bhrashtadhwaj for all children so that they will never be corrupt again) followed by the bellowing Bhastriki to drive away all evil. Such an MBA curriculum would inspire people to be on the path of Dharma and have shraddha towards the old and senile. We must send away all Allopathic medicines and close down the Pharma industry and now source all jadi booti from Haridwar which is the medical tourism hub. Babaji claims that he knows the virus that causes homosexuality and that he has the cure for it; probably he might also have secret cures for all intractable diseases; he might be the incarnation of Dhanvantri and Patanjali as a double dose. All surgeons will be called Sushrutas and doctors as Charaks hence forth, (who knows he might call the finance and accounts guys as Chitragupts).
Kapil must be banished from this land so must be the firangi Soniaji. Of course no right minded guy would agree that a midnight lathicharge is justified. Even Indiraji did not do such a terrible thing; she did it in broad daylight. I am told that some slim woman gave away her white salwar kameez and a large dupatta to that Babaji could become bilkul adrishya after the lathi charge only to be caught boarding the train surrounded by a gaggle of women. Aadarneeya Mayawatiji drove him away faster than even Kapil did. Look how the Sangh has smelt saffron blood. Maybe there must be one grand combine with Sadhvi Rithambara as the chief spokesperson ably assisted by Sadhvi Pragya Thakur and Shabnam Maasi. Babaji of course is supreme and above all laws after all he could curse you to eternally be a spokesperson of the Congress party like Digvijaya. Maybe Anna is not above law (probably Manmohan and KG Balakrishnan is). Anna is being presumptuous about civil society-only the shrill sirens of Medha, Arundhati, Kiran, Mallika with poor Kejri, Shanti & Sons, Santosh are civil. He used to tie to a pole and flog the drunks in Ralegan Siddhi supposedly and the evil spirits would miraculously leave to head for the Alcoholics Anonymous. I am told he also supports forced vasectomies and Narendra. I know I am not civil society. I merely vote and am an ignoramus who must be saved. I don’t understand these extra –constitutional measures; I haven’t even read the first one forget all the extras. They make me think I am the un-civil society, the great unwashed. I am so grateful that they are saving me from this malaise of corruption. I used to go to St Michaels to the novena to offer candles, now I can light candles every night with all these angrezi speaking ladies and gents who say “Let there be Light” (only one old man said that earlier, a few days after making the sun and the moon). I must now pray that that old man will abide by the promise Jako rakhe saiyan maar sake na koi.
Prof Srinivas, enjoyed reading this post. Loved the ending.
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